No Human is Special

Those who have thought deeply about one’s place in the grand scheme of things have perhaps come across a written piece or two about our insignificance on this earthly plane save amongst those emotionally connected to us. It’s an argument based moderately on the enormity of the known universe. As a thought and better still, as a paradigm, it’s a healthy prescription and allows us to get on with life by acknowledging this form of meanness. A noble beau ideal.

In addition to the nothingness related and conferred to by the astrophysical perspective, we are also insignificant in terms of what life simply dishes out to us. We are not so special in fact, we are not special at all irrespective of what’s happening in our life at this present moment, or what’s happened in the past and, what’s in store for us. I’m not speaking spiritually rather in the practical what’s seen, heard, experienced and felt gist. Everything, every manner of human experience, good or bad, delightful or abhorrent has preceded you in others.

What is that you’re asking of me? The experiences to which I am referring? Too many to list! A life lived embodies an infinite sum of occurrences and happenstances and, the resultant feelings and emotions that arise from such. A tapestry is woven by the sum of experience by way of the hand we are dealt.

Are you in love, madly in love, in lust perhaps? A form of lust and love so intense that you believe it’s private and special, that no other couple could be so fortunate. You haven’t read James Joyce’s letters, the dirty and the most beautiful. Have you been subjected to what you believe is the worst of humankind? Perhaps you should learn more about the holocaust. Have you lost a dearest family member to a disease or accident? Lost a home to fire? Won a lottery? Are you mega-rich or, mega poor? Been wrongly incarcerated, witnessed a loved one being raped, climbed a peak actual or metaphorical? Ad infinitum … You are not the first to experience anything.

And pity those who espouse that feeling of being special as realised from the power conferred through their careers or whatever positions or stations in life they reside in, rather than, intrinsic values. Life isn’t concerned with an artificial sense of importance.

Whatever your present human condition, someone somewhere in the world today, or in the past, has been there, has felt the same uplifting and glorious or otherwise, miserable and depraved emotions. Whatever contemplation may surface that you are uniquely unlucky or lucky, blessed, exceptional, or special in some way, banish the thought, for someone has been there.

For all of us, life offers a ceaseless succession of experience and encounter providing trials, outcomes, lessons and the resultant emotions.

This should not be interpreted such that the sheer scale and continuum of the human experience and, the universe make living pointless. More accurately, it should be a wake-up call to rise above the noise of modern-day life with all its push-pull factors and to embrace the power that comes from not being special, from insignificance itself.

You are not special….

Ecclesiastes 1:9 What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

Though a Vocation Calls ...

As my late fifties approached, I occasionally reflect on possible post-retirement activities, more accurately, what vocation can I embrace. It's still some way off, but given my considerations require skill, it's not too early to begin planning, that way when the day arrives, I can immerse myself without delay. It was June 2021 and, for as long as I could remember, I have had a yearning for career growth and/or change as distinct from my present job. My existing job is merely a well-paying position, it is not me per-se, given that it is normal to associate career with identity, I have never been able to associate the two, that is, me and my job. It’s like the accountant who thinks, I work as an accountant and earn my living as such, but I am not an accountant. Without being specific, I am a rail professional, it's what I do for an income, it's hardly me however. 

A desire for change outside of my existing job has not resulted in a vocation in spite of many a dabbling's in the past including Politics, my previous blogs, and freelance writing gigs. But work in its present form will end one day and, with any luck, creativity can kick in through a vocation. 

So as I began the journey toward the final chapter of a productive life, I am exploring what my vocation could be. It seems as though it has been a calling of sorts, and while accepted logic would suggest that my time has passed or, that I am too old, I dismiss this. Each of us is called to be someone and/or to do things, it’s part of our existence. If we’re growth orientated then discovery is a lifelong process.

There are two areas of interest, two areas that I know a little more than the average Joe about. China in terms of international affairs, and the U.S. in terms of same. 

If there is to be a mission in pursuit of either or both these interests then, regardless of which, one thing is certain, specialised knowledge is paramount. Though I read a great deal I cannot help but recall what Napoleon Hill wrote many a year ago, book smarts or general knowledge only give you generic intelligence. Specific knowledge or specialisation are the keys to success. Zig Ziglar put it this way, “You Cannot Make It as a Wandering Generality". Mr Hill made another notable point, by adding that the knowledge does not necessarily have to be in one's possession. This suggests that I seek out collaboration both possessing and sharing specialised knowledge, all the while contributing value. Significantly, the acquired specialisation must be used with purpose and strategy. Accordingly, knowledge must be organised. This all means that intermediate levels of knowledge specialisation in my chosen interest are, at the very least, to be mastered. On this basis, a significant undertaking. 

Admittedly, I don’t quite know which to pursue yet, the introspective self is pronounced and still, nothing crystal. Perhaps it could be both about China and the U.S. as they are quite the strategic competitors at present. 

There is an obstacle within the conscience. A dilemma if you will. It's like standing near the edge of a cliff not focusing, just looking into the vastness of time and space, time past, the present and future, space unending, ever-changing. I perceive too much and in doing so nothing, just status quo. Perhaps this is okay, the universe is pleading for patience. The nothingness is at times, unbearable though I know better, it shouldn't be. It's akin to forms of solitude and in today's world this can be viewed as a shortcoming. “Nourish yourself with grand and austere ideas of beauty that feed the soul… Seek solitude,” young Delacroix counselled himself in 1824. 

The paragraph you are now reading was written some weeks after the previous one, a necessary pause on my part to test for resolve and reasoning. So what will it be? I now know what that "obstacle within the conscience" was, time or lack thereof as a result of existing work hours, in addition to an appreciation of the words I wrote above, so true, and compelling, “on this basis, a significant undertaking”. Indeed it is, and it is this realisation coupled with my being time-poor that has, at least in the interim, revealed the answer. 

This will have to be enough  wrote Krista O'Reilly Davi-Digui in her exquisite piece, What if All I Want is a Mediocre Life? “One must know what one wants to be,” the eighteenth-century French mathematician Émilie du Châtelet wrote in weighing the nature of genius. “ But my mind must keep ticking, evaluating, growing, contributing for as du Châtelet noted so wonderfully in her middle years:

Since I began to live with myself, and to pay attention to the price of time, to the brevity of life, to the uselessness of the things one spends one’s time with in the world, I have wondered at my former behaviour: at taking extreme care of my teeth, of my hair and at neglecting my mind and my understanding. I have observed that the mind rusts more easily than iron, and that it is even more difficult to restore to its first polish.

Thus my two aforementioned interests, as interesting as I may find them require some serious and time-consuming effort stretched over many a year. I cannot pursue them in the manner and way I wish to, while still in full time work. 

You can be excused for thinking that I’m too hard on myself, I don’t have to be an intermediate level, expert, perhaps skilled would suffice? That is not me, nor do I think that I would be of any real value to anyone if I am only going to replicate second-hand information that’s available across media, even if the latter is cleverly crafted in my own words or, as I wrote in this blogs bio, infused with my own, "individual spin and" … "distinctive sensibility and "perception of my chosen subject matter".

I do not care for cursory kicks, I've enjoyed incidental notoriety in the past when no less than 26 of my blog posts, as lifted from my American Interests site appeared on the pages of Reuters while many also featured on the Chicago Sun-Times site.  The American Interests URL was also included on a Defense Policy Board Advisory Committee Buzz list, a Federal Advisory Committee to the United States Department of Defence of which Richard Perle was the initial Chairman and later, John Hamre. Finally, the blog was also reproduced in book form totalling well over 600 pages.

If I were going to succeed in say, my China example what would that ultimately mean? Book writing, research submissions, contributing to the efforts of Think Tanks and the like are but some options. Now let's consider the prerequisites required for contributions to and/or participation in Think Tanks. Typically specialised media, interest groups and Think Tanks would only solicit the works of individuals that have completed honours or postgraduate studies in the field of endeavour and notably, be amongst the best in terms of results combined with related experience. Not that I would be seeking an internship, at my age that's implausible however, any contribution would be nigh impossible without the credibility provided by relevant background education and experience. Furthermore, any likely participation on my part would be quantified against other outstanding individuals within a highly competitive process. Ordinarily, the alumni would include, Rhodes scholars, current and ex-diplomats, former defence officers, Journalists and Academics. Having done some research, I feel confident that, unless I were to actually cease work and immerse myself entirely on a fairly steep learning curve the exercise will be superfluous. Regrettably, such immersion is not possible at this juncture and, given that for me it’s either the real deal or nothing, I have to be practical.

I'm imagining that if I were to win big in a lotto then, upon ceasing work, I would cheerfully become a full-time University student in my chosen interest. Truth be known, I have often reflected on this, while most folk at my age would think about retiring, travelling, buying fancy cars, designer clothes and/or chilling, I would willingly embrace the aforementioned trial upon retiring, as challenging as it might be.

To console oneself, I reflect on the knowledge that to succeed in any of the options above calls for a mammoth effort in order to migrate from passive to intermediate levels of "value" contribution to the field of study, to the endeavour. Once again that realisation, “a significant undertaking”. 

This awareness acknowledges the skill levels out there, and what it will take for me to succeed, it reflects wisdom and for that, I can be grateful. It also indicates growth as at a much younger age, I might have embarked on an ill-fated journey landing me right back where I started.

In closing, a sense of mild melancholy sweeps over me, that slightly disturbing feeling that spells, is that it, is that all it will be for me? For the time being yes, at any rate, I trust the future. 

Sapientia et Doctrina.

The Mentally Strong

I wouldn’t refer to myself as intellectually or mentally strong, but through all my senses, I have learned enough in my years to suggest that those who have had a different mindset, one that lends itself to greater levels of inner peace, in spite of life's offerings no matter how adverse. Do you know anyone like that? Nothing seems to throw them off, it’s as if little fazes them. They’re still subject to sadness, pain and suffering, only an automaton wouldn’t, but not exclusively, they can handle much more misfortune and hardship than most folk.

So what’s going on here? Has it to do with intelligence, background, culture, past events or is it something more elusive. I am willing to bet it has a little of all the above but mostly, the mentally strong have a mindset that embraces a continuing dogged quest for personal growth that focuses on managing their own behaviour, thoughts and therefore resultant feelings. I stress, their own!

There may be a myriad of ways they achieve this, but for the purpose of this writing, permit me to summarize what I’ve learned. The mentally strong avoid certain things, objects of thoughts if you will, that could impair their inner peace.

1. They have no interest in impressing fellow humans. There is nothing wrong with pointing out your new material joy once, whether it be a new Tesla or $12,000 Rolex watch, nor is there anything wrong with highlighting your kid's educational achievements once, notice the keyword? Once! But when you know someone that highlights that same material joy, not once but every time you see them or, that steers the conversation such that their child’s double degree, or masters degree or doctoral degree gets a mention not once, but almost every second time you get together then something else is going on. This compare and contrast mentality signals a poor internal constitution and low self-esteem on the part of the boaster, usually a mum and it’s easily recognised. The mentally strong, do not need or seek any form of admiration or approval as they are entirely comfortable with what is. It’s their own values, principles, beliefs and standards that ultimately dictate a course of action or their thought processes and their conversations.
2. Seeking perfection is for the weak, seeking excellence is for the strong. The mentally strong understand and welcome failure while recognizing their flaws. 
3. They refuse to partake in anger and will not harbour grudges in the knowledge that this will only diminish them. This as a way of embracing the positive energy that surrounds them (and us all) not the negative opposite. 
4. They refuse to blame their misfortune or problems on that outside of them; external circumstances. Their focus is more often than not, on what is within their control. They do not understand, let alone acknowledge any notion related to the world (or people) being out to get them. It’s commonly referred to a victim mentality.
5. Materialism is not part of their language. Nice new car, big home, expensive stuff, possessions whatever. This is not to suggest their minimalists, what it does suggest is that they only have a material interest in what brings them pleasure and in turn, serenity.
6. You instinctively know the toxic types when you come across them, then why engage them? The mentally strong avoid them at all cost knowing full well, that there is little to be achieved by attempting any engagement.
7. They understand their limitations while acknowledging that they are prone to mistakes. In saying that, they understand that one cannot prevent the nasties in life, whatever they may be, They can mitigate the risk of occurrence but that’s as far as it goes. Things out of their immediate sphere of control are accepted as such. 
8. They understand that long term satisfaction is what counts as opposed to needing to be continually happy. They almost inherently understand that contentment is gained through hard work, sometimes involving significant and sustained effort.  
9. Comfort zones are for the mediocre. They do not avoid discomfort. While avoiding outright recklessness, they know the level of discomfort that can be tolerated and ultimately engender personal growth. 
10. You cannot do it all on your own, complete self-reliance is a paradox of sorts, as no single individual has all the answers. They understand that there is no weakness in seeking assistance or professional help when needed. 

If any of the above is even remotely accurate, it calls for some regulation of emotions and behaviours despite whatever the circumstances; something that takes courage and effort but it’s what sets the mentally strong apart from the rest.

A Notable Personal Introspection

Considering I was, and have been in varying extents silly, immature, anxious, cruel, reckless and impatient, egotistical, unprofessional, incompetent, irrational and simply bad most often. I refer to the age of 15 - 25 and, to a lesser though still significant extent, between the age of 25 – 35, and again to a lesser but still significant extent, between the age of 35 – 45, and yet again, to a lesser extent from the age of 45 onward .... I am now fantastically successful in my mid fifties.

As I reflect on this, I also realize that at core, I always knew where the “off” button was, I knew when to draw the line, I knew how to maintain the fundamentals right, e.g. marrying the right girl, buying a home, keeping a job, keeping my financials in order etc. I also knew how to maintain appearances and create righteous facades. Nonetheless, this does not diminish the fact that I was, at times very irresponsible, and came too close to outright sabotage and yet, given where I am at this time, being August 2016, in totality I am fantastically successful, in spite of my past foolish idiosyncrasies.

The other realization is that the first paragraph reveals improvement as I grew older, and this is the inspiring feature of my being, better late than never, constant and never-ending improvement to become the man, person, and “individual” I am today.

I am tempted to list the acts that constitute the “foolish idiosyncrasies” to which I refer, however this may not be a worthwhile exercise, more to the point, I feel it would be self-defeating. 

One way to make amends is to continue growing, becoming better and ultimately more successful still...

A Good Enough Life

I am getting on, it is time to take some stock, to pause, reflect and map for I am embedded within an age bracket known as the early fifties, and how do I know?

Apart from the obvious, that I was born a few months after the construction of the Berlin Wall, read again, I did not say fall of the Berlin Wall! Moreover, how palpable it is, when I gaze into the mirror each morning, not to mention the many small impromptu reminders that present. Like when Twitter notifies me that I have a new follower today. Eager to see who, I touch the little white birdy on my smart phone screen and presto, the new follower is, The 50+ Feed with a profile that reads, “A steady feed of news, commentary and resources relevant to the culture, legacy, health, happiness, wisdom and well being of today's 50+ population”.  I'm drawn to the term legacy, so follow back.

Advice is good and though my life is not travelling that smooth, – I have teenage kids – I know that nobody can say theirs is perfect, not unless they lie. Still, my ever-evolving life on this mortal plane with its diminishing highs and incessant lows, the latter seemingly so low as to be of a subterraneous quality of late, has taught me a thing or two. Therefore, as I now enter the second half of my early 50’s, I have concluded that I am in the midst of a good enough life, and have compiled a small, not so insignificant inventory of lessons that smooth my path in this fluid, constructed and yet unconstructed, chaotic though organised reality.

• Have you heard the expression or idiom, “are you finished?” or, “all done?” well sorry to say, but in life it is never done, nothing is ever complete
• Life is great but some days are boring, mundane and routine
• Sometimes you have to do so much to achieve so little, kind of like, eating an artichoke 
• It is more than okay if your home is in a mess even though, the infomercial world tells us that it must always present like a showroom 
• There is nothing more pointless or common than doing the same things over and over, but expecting different results
• When people ask, “how are you?’ and you reply, “I’m good yourself?” or worse still, you reply like those Boston, New England types with the irritable “excellent you?” I can assure you, they know you really mean, life sucks  
• It is probably a good idea to tell those you care about that you love them, though sometimes it is also a good idea to refrain from such, let them sweat a tad
• Whenever restless or anxious in bed remember, sleep eventually comes though maybe not tonight
• If you occasionally think monogamy is tough it’s okay, the storm will eventually pass, but careful what you get up to in storms eye
• You are ultimately, what you do, not what you say you will do
• Any relationship is selfishly controlled by the one who cares least
• Feelings follow behaviour
• Not all who wander are lost – are your kids or a family members failing at school or withering in some endeavour? Many hippies and counterculture types that rebelled in the late 60’s eventually became successful white-collar professionals later in life
• Sometimes you hate those you love 
• You can survive without daily to do lists
• Promise yourself, that you will punch the lights out of the next person that says, ‘a new paradigm of thought’
• Sometimes you are just too damn busy to catch up with friends and if they do not understand, they were not your friends after all
• Family life is tough
• You can feel guilty for doing what is right like going to work, though equally, you can feel guilty for not going to work
• As you get older, you grow smaller, an obvious oxymoron
• If it helps, it is okay to suggest that your wife shop at Victoria’s Secret and if she does not get it, she should
• Red wine is tonic
• If you feel the others have normal lives then you do not know them well
• If you do not plan for or schedule sex, it’s probably not going to happen
• Sometimes 2-minute noodles are okay for tea, or if you are of Italian derivative, pasta e burro is fine to
• We have choices and the advertising world pounds this in us. Moreover, if for a moment, you thought that advertisers pay us little or no attention think again. Recall all those insurance, funeral plan and retirement village ads you hear on those easy listening stations
• Dark chocolate is bliss the more cocoa the better  
• How others perceive you ought not to be of concern
• Vigorous exercise is the best antidepressant, vigorous sex better still
• Growing old is not avoidable  
• You think life sucks until the doc utters the word cancer
• Health is king!
• Lists are for losers

Comments always welcomed

© 2014 Ottavio Marasco. All rights reserved.